3 months ago

This is my first time being here when I should do my own blog for fundamental of media writing...wanting to know how it feels like to start talking madness in your own blog. heh :) Golly, am not so much a writer actually. 

Finished my diploma period 3 months ago. And gladly to say that at least I've continue my degree level right now. It's really fun and awesome even during a holiday also we got a lot of assignments to do. 

Here's the thing, whenever I flip through my life, everything seems clear..I mean clearer.

Didn't really get all the yelling, the shouting from my parents especially my ayah when it comes to study back then. 

As I grew older, I do realize that whatever that you have right now, does not necessary mean that it will be yours forever. I learnt that from him, my ayah.

Often he mentioned while I was a kid, 

"you may feel ok now because I'm still here, providing you with all the necessary things; food, money, education, clothes and so on. Try to imagine what will happen if suddenly I'm no longer here, to talk to you, to give u advises even though u hate it so much, to sustain u and the rest..imagine. Just imagine."

He tells me a lot: 

"if you were born poor it's not your fault. but it is you to be blame if u die poor"

Here we go !

*Taking a deep...an extremely deep breath*

Go!

I know people are just being concerned. Thanks really but at least try to understand my situation. It sounds simple, it sounds like it is the right thing to do at this point of time taking into consideration my age and the environment I'm living in.

It's not that I'm not being sensitive or cautious about the whole thing but like I said, try to be in my shoes for a second. The topic I'm talking about right now is no monkey business. It is not some sort of entertainment that people can just simply ask me to do. It is secret, it is pure, it is about achieving a purpose in your life. You can’t just simply throw yourself into it as if it is for amusement.

It is not about being afraid to commit or feeling so negatively about the entire idea. It is about finding the right time and the right moment. Now, for me it is no longer about finding the right someone. Someone to be called the other half as I have already found him. Now, it is all about getting to know one another more, to understand each other's needs, sensitivities and all that. Why? Because you will be spending the rest of your life with him or her. Embarking on a different journey once you have put your soul into it. Like I said, it is no monkey business.

I want to be ready. Fully prepared. I don’t want to merely step into this different world because I was asked to. I need to be ready. Don’t get me wrong. Trust me, though I may look a bit gay from outside, I am actually very feminine/girlish/a bit kinky inside. To be with someone I love is all I can ask for. I just need time.

The end

And I'm Still Turned On

Ignore the title

So I talked to Fais on my way back to Sungai Buloh. About life, today and the future. I must say, talking to Fais does enlighten me on certain aspects. How drastically people can change once they have found a purpose in life. How maturity is not only apparent from your conducts but from your thoughts as well.

I was taught differently by my old man. I was raised to understand people's needs, to not being bloody judgmental, to feel what is ought to be felt by your brain instead of your heart. I was raised to be normal.

Yes I don’t know how it feels like to help your family by selling kuih from house to house, or to break your fasts under the street lamps far from your family, or to be a caddy just to pay for your school fees. I don’t know anything about that.

But I understand.

Because my old man did all of the above without even complaining. He didn’t see problems as obstacles but rather opportunities.

So, coming back to Fais. Why I said he enlightens me? Because he reminds me of my old man. Ambitious.

It's all about you AYAH

It's Funny, Really

It is hard being me. I have an ability which I can say not acquirable by many people. Ability to MENTAL BLOCK.

I've been battling lots issues since kid. My sexuality, my curve, my interests, the likes and dislikes..blablabla. When people started to question, if I feel like answering then I'd explain. But, most of the times, I just mental blocked them.

How?

Simply by ignoring their questions and facial expressions, that's number 1 and next step is by placing an imaginative 'wall' inside my brain. Just to curb all those retarded queries from invading my cell territory.

Yup, THAT works everytime. But the ugly part of having this ability is you tend to be insensitive. Since my brain works the other way around, I believe each and everyone else's should be working the same way. I developed a new skill out of it the COULDN'T BE BOTHERED ability.

How does it work?

Since my brain cells were trained to prevent "retarded invasions", I have the tendency to shoosh away some feelings. When something bad happened and you should be sad. I feel normal instead. When your feelings are bruised by something or someone I feel "damn it", move along!

THAT caused me troubles. I was often being labelled as the "insensitive Fara" or "oh Fara, the one with no emotion"

Someone said to me, right to my face...

“God created you without a heart"

But now

I slowly begin to feel, and it is awkward at first. That grows everyday and though I feel delighted, it somehow makes me feel uncomfortable. Because this is not me. I wasn’t born like this. I wasn’t raised with emotions. I built my own wall.

Ain’t it funny?

Goodbye Jimmy Sullivan, The Rev

Drummer and backup singer for AVENGED SEVENFOLD

Jimmy Owen Sullivan, The Rev, has died. He was found dead in his home in Southern California on Monday (December, 28, 2009). Although the Orange County coroner's office is investigating his death, it appears that he died of natural causes. Jimmy Sullivan was the drummer and backup singer for the band Avenged Sevenfold, A7X.

"It is with great sadness and heavy hearts that we tell you of the passing today of Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan. Jimmy was not only one of the world's best drummers, but more importantly he was our best friend and brother. Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jimmy's family and we hope that you will respect their privacy during this difficult time.

Jimmy you are forever in our hearts.

We love you, statement from : M Shadows, Synyster Gates, Zacky Vengeance and Johnny Christ"

• James Owen Sullivan was only 28 years old. 
• James Owen Sullivan was born on February 10, 1981 and passed away on December 28, 2009.

See, he's a superb drummer for A7X and he's playing Beast and Harlot.

When YOU rock my day !

AVENGED SEVENFOLD

This is my favourite band which I think they have their own style and their song also give me some new breath everyday when I heard it. Since I was in form 3 , I start follow all their song until now even my parents always mad at me when I start play their song on my laptop. They really amazing in my eyes <3 

The members of metalcore outfit Avenged Sevenfold (or A7X) were still attending high school in Huntington Beach, CA, when they formed their band in 1999. Nevertheless, it didn't take long for M. Shadows (vocals), Zacky Vengeance (guitar), Synyster Gates (guitar), the Reverend (drums), and Johnny Christ (bass) to make an impression with their aggressive hybrid of metal and punk-pop.

The band made its official debut in July 2001, releasing Sounding the Seventh Trumpet on the Good Life label before moving to the Hopeless roster for 2003's Waking the Fallen. Warner Bros. took interest in the band's aggressive sound and issued its breakthrough release, City of Evil, in June 2005. The album reached number 30 on Billboard's Top 200, propelled in part by the Top Ten success of the single "Bat Country." The accompany music video was heavily rotated on MTV and Fuse, where live appearances also helped boost Avenged's growing profile, and the band ultimately won the Best New Artist Award at the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards.

As demand for their music increased, Avenged Sevenfold canceled their tour dates for fall 2006 and decamped to Houston, TX, where they set to work on a fourth studio album. Boasting a grittier sound than previous releases, the self-title or self-produced disc appeared in October 2007, debuting at number four on the Billboard Top 200 and spinning off the radio single "Almost Easy." The album also fared well in England, where three songs cracked the Top Five of the U.K. rock charts, and Avenged Sevenfold helped support the release by touring North America on the Taste of Chaos tour. Released in September 2008, the CD/DVD package Live in the LBC and Diamonds in the Rough captured the band during a tour stop in Long Beach. In 2009 the band announced plans to begin work on its third studio release. 

This is one of my favourite song and you guys should try hear this song

Just a Thought AND Nothing Fancy

People ask, how can I be so calm about life? *inclusive of studying life*

My answer: Life is fragging' short! Enjoy!

People ask, how can I be so cool about dramas?

My answer: So long you aren’t part of them, why bother?

People ask, how can I be so positive about almost everything?

My answer: God gave your life to live, air to breath, so, what's with the face?

People ask, how can I be so acceptive about myself?

My answer: There are reasons as to why God created you to be YOU and not someone else. If others can’t look at me without being so speculative, if people can’t talk to me without being so presumptuous and if masses can’t see me without being so judgmental. Who am I to stop them?

People ask, "Aren’t you afraid it might cause you him?"

My answer: Jodoh tu kat tangan Tuhan.

My name is NUR FARAHIN ISMAIL and I don’t live to be anyone's.

That's why my last name is ISMAIL

Alhamdulillah, I am already one step closer of becoming a Public Relation. Just waiting for the Degree and I'm already! It's on the other side, the roads I took, endured and faced to get to where I am today and that my friend is a journey of which I embraced with a little help of someone named ISMAIL MOHD YUSOF.

11th November 2010 is the day I shall not forget. The day where my dreams, hopes and desires come together when I get 3 above for my final CGPA for diploma level in UNiSEL. The day where I know for sure that I have made them proud, my parents.

One story I would like to share, a story that have changed my life entirely when I heard of it some 10 years ago.

*flashback*

The entire school was going for a 2 days trip to Malacca. Only $5 was needed for the trip. All standard 5 students were excited to join. All, except a boy whose father couldn’t afford to pay even $5. Determined to go, despite several "No" from the mother, he packed all his clothing’s in a bag and rushed to the school. He was so mesmerized upon arrival to see 3 buses ready to embark on a journey with a few hundred standard 5 students. Knowing that he had no money to pay the trip, he waited and waited. Waited for a kind teacher to pay for him, to realize that there was a boy, the only boy who would be left alone.

He waited. And waited.

He couldn’t bear it anymore. He just let the tears streaming down his cheeks while seeing all the buses leaving the school compound. Deeply saddened for no one was benevolent to hand him a hope. Not even his teachers. He was shunned for not being able to go. He was abandoned for not being rich enough. He was left alone in the school for being poor. He cried and cried. Too sad to even walk. Too sad to even think.

There was his mother, whom had slowly followed him when he rushed out from the house. A mother who came to him and held him close to her chest. A mother who cried along with her son. A mother who understood the pain, the sorrow, the frustration. A mother who later whispered a saying, so clear to the son; "kau belajar betul2 mail, bila kau dah berjaya, ke langit hijau pun kau nak pergi, pergilah"

There is no such thing as "a green sky". But the boy understood it perfectly that with success, he could go anywhere, anywhere farther than Malacca. When he had to reject the offer by JPA to pursue his Degree in the States, I want to completed my Degree for him. When his dreams to continue his Master shattered, I'm promise that I’ll pursuing my Master for him.

The boy in the story is my father

"I would like to dedicate this to my father, Encik Haji Ismail bin Haji Mohd Yusof whom I considers as a great influence in my life. You has always inspired by your words, stories, determination and success. Everything I does is not only about achieving my ambitions but it is also about fulfilling your hopes and completing your unfinished dreams."

You see, grasping the excitement of achieving your dream is one thing, but seeing the smile on your parents' face is another. And that is priceless. Special note to Haji Ismail, no matter where I'd go, or what I'd be, I am forever your daughter and that's why my last name is ISMAIL.

This is my father and no one can replace his place my heart
Touch him, I will kill you
NUR FARAHIN BINTI ISMAIL