Monday, January 17, 2011

It's Funny, Really

It is hard being me. I have an ability which I can say not acquirable by many people. Ability to MENTAL BLOCK.

I've been battling lots issues since kid. My sexuality, my curve, my interests, the likes and dislikes..blablabla. When people started to question, if I feel like answering then I'd explain. But, most of the times, I just mental blocked them.


Simply by ignoring their questions and facial expressions, that's number 1 and next step is by placing an imaginative 'wall' inside my brain. Just to curb all those retarded queries from invading my cell territory.

Yup, THAT works everytime. But the ugly part of having this ability is you tend to be insensitive. Since my brain works the other way around, I believe each and everyone else's should be working the same way. I developed a new skill out of it the COULDN'T BE BOTHERED ability.

How does it work?

Since my brain cells were trained to prevent "retarded invasions", I have the tendency to shoosh away some feelings. When something bad happened and you should be sad. I feel normal instead. When your feelings are bruised by something or someone I feel "damn it", move along!

THAT caused me troubles. I was often being labelled as the "insensitive Fara" or "oh Fara, the one with no emotion"

Someone said to me, right to my face...

“God created you without a heart"

But now

I slowly begin to feel, and it is awkward at first. That grows everyday and though I feel delighted, it somehow makes me feel uncomfortable. Because this is not me. I wasn’t born like this. I wasn’t raised with emotions. I built my own wall.

Ain’t it funny?

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